First Day

So today's the first day in the development office at the YJC. It's slow, but so far people have been very nice. I've spent the morning attempting to figure out exactly what I'm supposed to be doing here and exactly how I'm going to accomplish it.

As I snack on this Bean Burrito, I'm pondering the concept of new jobs.
Here's a list of important milestones that are key when starting a new job.

• Learn Everyone's Name-This is an important step, and should be accomplished with all speed. Learning names makes you seem friendly, attentive, and professional. More importantly though, it gives you a handy list of people to blame your mistakes on.

• Figure Out The Quickest Way To Get to Work-Promptness and rest are a hard balance to strike, one often has to sacrifice one for the other. But, if you find a series of shortcuts/back roads and worm holes, you can arrive at work on time, no matter how hung over you may be.

A quick side note. I'm very happy with my current commute. Not spending an hour on red line in the morning is a liberating experience. The Metra is quick(ten minutes) and comfortable.

Here's a picture of me riding the "El." I'm waving at the camera.


























And here's the inside of the Metra. Notice all the extra room for bliss.

• Become Friendly With the Office Manager-The Office Manager is the life blood of the company. They control all the important day to day things that keep you comfortable and happy. Plus, this is an important step towards scoring free pens and toilet paper.

• Go "Number Two" in the Company Bathroom-This is probably one of the hardest obstacles to overcome at your new job. You're the new guy, you don't want to cause to much of a stir or embarrass yourself. But it's necessary. It's declaring that "You are Here" and that you're going to defile this place and treat it like your home no matter what anyone says. Usually this happens on about week three.

• Figure out the Fire Escapes- They are a life line in case of emergencies and they are where the cool employees go to smoke on their breaks.
  

• Find Out About Office Politics- You don't want to offend anyone or to start out on the wrong foot. Ask around, ex. "Hey, Barb. Why the hell is Jeanie so sensitive about abortion?" or "Hey, Barb. What's the deal with Ernie's wooden leg?"

• Ask about Allergies in the Office-It's good to know what kind of emergency situations may arise, and it let's you know who you can threaten with peanuts.

• Figure Out Where the Printer Is-There's no one more annoying than the person who keeps asking the same question. Figuring out this on the first day will avoid any repetition of questions and will allow you to pick up your anti-government rants quickly and without any fuss.
  

And Finally

• Learn Birthdays-As you get to know your coworkers, they'll be happy you took the time to think about them as PEOPLE. They'll know you care. And, since the elderly are weaker than the young, it'll aid you in picking off stragglers as they become old and enfeebled.