Friday, September 26, 2008

Liveblogging: Obama vs. McCain Round One

At Patty O'Irishes with Gabrielle, Katharine and Giovanni. Live blogging the first debate. We're surrounded by our two favorite things: Democrats and fried fish

41:B: The Crowd here laughs very hard when they mention the VP Debates. All is as it should be.
Post Game
40: K - McCain won't look at Obama because Obama knows about his soulless eyes.

39: G - Did you know John McCain was tortured?

38: G - I would say we should drunk every time Barack says "judgment," but it just makes me want to stop drinking and get a job and be a good person. So!

38:B- Did you know that McCain was in a prison of some sort?

35: B - McCain says that Obama needs experience.

34: G - Oh no belief! You can't have belief, Barack. That's your problem. McCain is going to take care of the veterans! He loves them! Thanks Big Bro! Take care of 'em all the way to the public grave.

33: G - PLEASE PUNCH HIM AGAIN. Also I think McCain's suit is terribly tailored. Have I talked about his sleeves yet? HIS SLEEVES!

32: K - I'm still boggling over the North Korea-South Korea comment. Hai, Barack, thanks for bringing the discussion back around to your earlier comments about health care, economy, education, veterans. National Security IS related to these other issues. Thanks for bringing it back to the subject.

31: G - DRINK!

29:B- Who is the Reagan guy that McCain keeps talking about? Was he some sort of 1940's movie star?

28: B-McCain thinks that emboldening our enemies has somehow decreased the chances of us being attacked again. Obama thinks that we need to be protecting ourselves, but he's got actual examples.

22: B- I don't think McCain can hear when other people are trying to speak. I think he needs one of those big ear horn things. You know the things that look like gramaphone speakers.

21: B - Did you know McCain went to Georgia once? Gee! He can prove it because he saw a poster there.

18: G - Has anyone ever had those potato chips that give you loose nukes? Those are so goddamn delicious, i tell it's worth it. Oh also something about Russia. Did you know Sarah Palin blah blah blah?

18: K: Obama suggests not looking into McCain's eyes because he has no soul

14: K: SPAIN? Also, and I don't want to mock McCain for things like appearance, but geez, between the posture and the thinning hair, dude looks like Mr. Burns.

13:B: Did McCain just say that the North Koreans are three inches shorter than South Koreans? That's a problem we can take care of...just give them McCains Frankenstein shoes.

11:B: Turns out McCain needs to check with Kissinger about his policy..unless, it turns out that Henry is a SPY!

10: K: Obama's kinda awesome. He's not all, "I'm not coming to the tea party unless I can wear my prettiest frock." Cuz sometimes you have to participate with talks without preconditions.

09: K: McCain cites Reagan again. Drink! I also suggest a shot every time McCain mispronounces a name. I'm already drunk.

08: G - I had no idea I was so angry.

07: G - did you know John McCain is an old idiot? WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE THE NAMES OF PEOPLE HE WANTS TO BLOW UP.

07: G - I wish Obama could hear us clapping.

05: G - Way to get the pro jew remark in there, Barack! Nice.

03: OG - I'm not sure why McCain needs to remind people of successful war strikes and try to apply that to unrelated issues.

03: G - McCain: "and then she said "please wear my son's cock ring. And ladies and gentleman, my fellow americans, that is just what I am doing right now. I. AM. SO. HARD." - (I will not be voting for this man)


01: I like the term Obama whips his out...not so much for McCain. I like that they were gabbing about jewelry.

00: K- Obama whips his out too. Apparently not all grieving mothers want to keep this charade going.

8:00: K - McCain likes wearing jewelry. And bringing up grieving mothers and dead soldiers. Respect his authoritay.

59: G - Seriously are John McCain's arms like 2 feet long? he being controlled by a Muppeteer?!!?!?! IS FRANK OZ A REPUBLICAN?!!?!? NOOOOOOOO

59: G - I wanna hear Obama talk again. His voice doesn't make my ears bleed.


58: G - ummm all this about you wanting to bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran?

57: G - Did you know that John McCain killed 5 GILLION BAGILLION north koreans in his mind?

56:B- McCain said "I would not publicly SAY that I'd attack Pakistan" that's clear and accountable governing.

55:B- G just punched an old guy sitting next to us.

54:B - Also he's defending Pakistan and talking about "inner-marriage".

53:B - McCain is admitting that reducing the number of troops Afghanistan was a mistake.

52: G - Poppy trade! Like from the Wizard of Oz. That ended well, right?


50: K - McCain: "Ohai! Didja know that Petraeus and Osama bin Laden have something in common? Tweety Bird tattoo in a sensitive area." Okay, just kidding. Something about Iraq being the central battle ground, yadda yadda yadda. Anddddd...Obama's back with common sense.

49: G - PUNCH HIM.

48: OG - Key difference in military strike: Obama won't use a hatchet when he only needs a scalpel.

47: G - Someone punch McCain.

47: K: And, Obama's all "now lemme bring you back to the subject."

46: K: And McCain interrupts Jim Lehrer again. Wait, is he saying that he was in Iraq fighting for Iraqi freedom? No, just giving a pep talk. Apparently the troops were talking smack about Obama and equating McCain with peace and prosperity. Buhhhh?

45: K - "John, you like to pretend like the war started in 2007." And, the crowd goes wild.

44: Let's get back to the Core Issue Here, baby.

44: Come on Obama, bring it home.

44: Seriously I hate this guy. Hate.

43: My brain turns off when McCain speaks

42: Obama is connecting the war with the financial crisis. McCain is ignoring questions.

40: McCain says that he's not Miss Congeniality, I guess that's Sarah Palins job.

38:Obama just said "orgy" and "hard to swallow" in the same sentence, the women here cheered.

35:I'm kind of done listening to Republicans give advice about the economy. McCain say's "He's got plans" Big plans.

33: OG - Actually he said freeze on everything but defense and veterans. still WHAT THE FUCK?! The teachers at the next table are pissed. Obama says freezing is taking a hatchet where you need a scalpel.


32: G - Spending freeze on veterans?!!?!? WHAT THE FUCK?!

:30: K: Jim Lehrer: "So no one wants changes?" Obama: "Subsidies to Medicare? Not so efficient." He also calls John "Tom," after some super conservative guy. I bet my mom loves him.

:28: B: McCain just accused Obama of having the most liberal voting record in the Senate. The crowd here went wild.

8:27:B: Obama lays out specific ideas of things that we have to do in the next 4 years.

8:25: B: Let the fights begin. Apparently McCain isn't interested in debating just, bitching at Obama.

8:24: B: McCain just said "I think the American people would be interested in Obama's definition of rich." That's interesting considering he said that anything below a half million a year is considered middle class.

8:23: G - Look at him my friends! We're all going to go out and "purchase health care"! Have you ever purchased health care?

8:22: G - Thanks Giovanni!

8:21: OG: McCain doesn't want to "debate", but he's at a debate. What else is he there for? Monologues?

8:20 G - Alright it's time for Giovanni! Thanks for being here, Other G! What do you have to say about these stupid douchebag white guy with the brain crushing whiney shrill punch in the face of a void. I am talking about john mccain. And go.

8:19 G - McCain is making me so angry that I almost ripped my money in half.

8:18 G - Thanks Kathx!

8:16 K- McCain: "I speak with a whistle and carry a medium-point sharpie to veto excess spending." Obama: "300 billion is more than 18 billion; McCain is going to screw Average America. Tax cut the Ordinary American, mkay? Then y'all can buy iBooks and liveblog yourselves."

8:16 G - I'm going to make Katharine liveblog now so she has liveblogging experience and can put it on her resume. Go Katharine! What do you have to say?!! America wants to know!

8:15 We've heard the term Wall Street vs. Main Street 5 times. Now it's time to count the times they say "Fundamentally"
8:13-Obama wins this point by saying that we need accountability, not only when we are in a crisis. We need it day in and day out. McCain seems a little confused and not specific.

8:09 Direct talking between the two candidates. Apparently McCain is talking about DDE and taking accountability.

8:08:-B-McCain, same question...talking about bipartisan work going on right now. "Most dangerious crisis of our time...and I've been around a long time." He's old, get it?

8:05:-B- Nailed it. Ripped into Bush and trickle down economics.

8:03-B- Opening question to Obama-Global Financial Crisis.

8:01-B-Well McCain is there...too bad.

8:01-B- Here we go. Jim Leher is laying out the rules. He looks like his eyes are unusually sunken. Maybe it's his makeup.

8:00 Debate is about to Begin

7:52:-B-Chris Mathews always sounds like he's yelling or is raspy FROM yelling.

7:50:-B-Just listening to people here, it seems like people are finally paying attention to Katie Couric.
7:45:-B-It's been 45 minutes, still no real interviews with Republicans. I like this network.

7:40:-B-Free Pizza.

7:33: Kathx and Giovanni are here. They have blogs too! Not LIVE blogs though. Sad.

7:32: I really want rainbow cake. Anyway Sarah Palin sucks so hard, did you know. I have a lot to add.

7:31: G - Oh also hi! My name's Gabrielle. I don't belong here. ::wave::

7:30 B- 30 minutes until it starts this place is filling up. I see something that might resemble a free buffet, but there's no telling what the future may bring.

7:22 B-There's a call from a conservative writer for Sarah Palin to pull out. I think the joke in this is "Pulling out didn't work for her daughter." I could be wrong.

7:18 B-If I were gay I'd have sex with Keith Olbermann's self righteousness

7:16 B- There's another person with a laptop, she looks like a little more professional than we do. She probably thinks we're just checking our email.

7:14 G -You call this a fish fry? My god, Northerners do not fish fry well, do they. In my time, in my day, in my crooked town our fish fries were fresh delicious and free, open bar included.

7:13 G - Liveblogging as a couple is a fun way to drink, minimize conversation while still spending quality bonding time.

7:10 B- Robert Gibbs from the Obama campaign is raising the bar for McCain, seems like everyone has been lowering McCain expectations this week, it's good to see the Dem's reversing the trend and making sure that McCain has to do more than not throw up on himself to be considered a success.

7:08: B -Keith seems to be focusing on interviewing Obama campaign staff, everyone seems pretty confident.

7:04: G - I just bought a thin $10 shirt with a picture of two blue fists possibly pumping one another. It says "vote." I hope it's clear I'm for Obama. I'm also wearing my hair in a blue ribbon. These are the sorts of political points I have on hand to use for banter.

7:03: G - You can distinguish between Gabrielle and Ben by these charming Gs and Bs, also you can tell which ones are mine because I liveblog in specific real time...I don't do "ish"

7ish: B - Patty O'Splains. 56 minutes until the debate begins. Keith Olbermans sensitive tones are floating through the skeletal beginnings of the debate party. Lots of casual looking Democrats with Priuses walking around meaning well. We were just asked if MSNBC is partisan enough. I say yes.

7:00 pregame

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Some Baby Names for a Family Member...from Gabrielle and Ben

  1. Calvin
  2. Daniel
  3. Ransom
  4. Kyle
  5. Samuel
  6. Luke
  7. Orson
  8. Mork
  9. Frodo
  10. Barack
  11. Pippin
  12. Colin
  13. Haggot
  14. Fenis
  15. Grover
  16. Growfoot
  17. Shutup
  18. Trouble
  19. Trig
  20. Ewan
  21. Geo
  22. Arith
  23. Meat
  24. Lumpkin
  25. Perry White
  26. Capper
  27. Mert
  28. Grit
  29. Mr. Darcey
  30. Gabriel
  31. Finn
  32. Red Ethan
  33. Obi Wan
  34. Feral Sam
  35. Trig
  36. Gross
  37. Happy Meal
  38. Butthead
  39. Thorne
  40. Downsy Baby
  41. Joel Shumaker's Batman and Robin
  42. Donor 431
  43. Pickle
  44. Chris is Adopted
  45. Chick Fil a
  46. Stinky
  47. Harry Huggles
  48. Compton
  49. Weenie
  50. Email
  51. Barton Fink
  52. Optimus Prime
  53. Superman
Vote on your favorite

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tips for my very good friend who has a phone interview today

1.Charge Your Phone.

You don't want them to thin you have a negative effect on Electronics. People in offices usually like electronics to stay on, and if you have some sort of super power that causes you to short out phones and computers, they might just go with someone else.

2. Talk with your mouth full

This let’s the potential employer know that you are indeed eating. It shows that your not too desperate for the job. Also, it let’s them know what you’ll sound like over lunch.

3. Answer the phone “Whaddya want?”

A small detail, but it lets the potential employer know that you are a busy person who doesn’t like to take time out of your day for idle chitchat.

4. Make sure that there is loud music, noise, moaning in the background

This is a tip that let’s them know that you may work hard, but you are also able to have a good time. It also will show them that you will be comfortable with the loud music, noise, and moaning in the office.

5. Dress Up

Even though you’re just interviewing over the phone, that’s no reason not to be formal. People in HR have good hearing, they can hear the rustle of a starched shirt or an ironed hoop skirt. Be sure to tell them what you are wearing at every chance you get. This will remind them of the subtleties of your wardrobe like ties, hair bows, or bonnets.

6.If you get another call answer it

People like to employ applicants who have a strong sense of friendship and family, ignoring the calls from your friend Big Dave could indicate that you’re not an agreeable person. So tell the employer that it’s Big Dave and that you’ll call them back.

7. Exaggerate how you look.

The first impression is the one that’ll stick with them. Tell them that you’re taller or more muscular. It will instantly intimidate them and let them know that you’re a beautiful person.

8. Cry.

Never underestimate a good cry. The best part about doing this on the phone is that you don’t actually have to have those expensive fake tears. It will get you sympathy.

9. Brag about your phone

Those who are employed love to talk about phones. They’ll love you if you tell them about all your applications and how you got a cracked iPhone really cheap.

10. At the end of the phone call, don’t let them go

Say “You hang up first! You hang up first!” This will let them know that you are committed to the interview and will be equally committed to the company.

So, I hope this helps.

Subtlety Of Religious Intolerance

Over the last 18 months we've seen a parade of attack ads on Obama from all sides. They say he isn't experience enough. They say he's too young. They say he speaks of lofty ideals and hazy details. They say he's a Muslim.

It's this last issue that I think represents the most disturbing line of attack on not only Mr. Obama, but also on religious tolerance itself. It's being used as a wedge issue to scare potential voters and drum up pride for "Christian Family Values."

The fact is that Obama is a Christian. He attends church and has pride in his deeply personal relationship with God.

But the real problem is that all of these attacks is that they show we are a nation manipulated by fear and intolerance. That people expect us to cower of those things that are different. They expect all of this, and sadly we meet these expectations.

Here's what we've been saying.

Hate Monger:Don't Vote for Obama, he's a Muslim.

Cowering Liberal Pinko:No he's not! I can't believe you'd say he's a Muslim! That's horrible! He's a Christian! You're just saying that because he's black! You Racist!

In this exchange, the Liberal Pinko(the good guy) are, by reacting so violently against the accusation of being a Muslim, affirming the Hate Monger's(the bad guy) unspoken point that being Muslim is inherently bad.

Though, chances are we're right on about the racism thing, here's what we should be saying.

Hate Monger:Don't vote for Obama, he's a Muslim.

Cowering Liberal Pinko:What does Religion have to do with this?

Hate Monger: He's a Muslim.

Liberal Pinko: Personally, I take him at his word that he is of the Christian faith, but even if he were a Muslim, I'd still vote for him. Islam, like Christianity and Judaism and almost all of the other world Religions, is based on peace. It is a religion that honors family and community. A religion whose prophet Muhammad is quoted as saying"Not one of you believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." It is a religion that shares it's deepest roots with Christianity and Judaism. According to the Old Testament, we are all sons and daughters of Abraham.
I assume when you say Muslim you mean terrorist. You friend are an ignorant, racist, anti-Semitic, hate monger.
Besides, he's a candidate for president, not pope. Religion has nothing to do with it. How would you feel if I told you that Lincoln was an atheist?
High tail it back to your clan wagon and go hunt moose with your ignorant degrading friend Palin. Maybe the two of you can talk about how nice it was 6,000 years ago when the Earth was created.

Hate Monger: Ben, you're so cool.

Liberal Pinko: I know.

Hate Monger: I'm informed now, no longer am I a hate monger.

Liberal Pinko: Go forth.

Love Monger:I love life.

Fish Monger:Fish sticks anyone?